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Looking Back


Those men abused me,
and my father abused me,
but I loved him.

My parents have been
dead a longtime; my
feelings are numb about
them.

But, once in a while,
something makes me
think of them.

I still love them,
I still miss them,
I still hate them.
And forgive them.

He knew. Mom knew.
Who else knew?
I didn’t.

They didn’t help me.
They didn’t speak up.
They didn’t protect me.

I am now much older, and
when I look in the mirror
I can see bits and pieces
of the good and the bad
parts of them living in me
going forward.

So, looking back doesn’t
hurt as much anymore.
But I can see self-pity
and regret looking back.

These days, I spend
more time looking forward,
less time looking back.

Categories: Poetry

Tagged as:

alslaff

Poet, Writer, US Army (Retired)

I dreamed of writing when I was a youngster. The love of books and writing may have helped to dull the pain of severe sexual abuse as I was sexually abused by two men at my father’s place of work from age 8 to 12 or so. I learned about this for the first time when I was 50 years old. So, as a boy, reading was the only place I had to go to. My fantasy world was better and safer than my real world. I loved reading and writing.
Reading books and writing poetry are a joy to me still and are an important part of my life. (See my About Me page on my blog for the complete profile.)

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