It is late and the page is blank, but
my mind is far from blank. It is just
that I can’t write about it.
If I think about it, my thoughts turn
dark. I don’t want to go there
anymore. It will end soon.
Better that I write about coffee.
Saturday. We had Joe. Mild,
milky, and sweet for me. A cup
of coffee shouldn’t sound sexual,
but it has been a raw week and
a raw day. I’m feeling raw.
Probably the EMDR. I had a sense
of loss over the years, but the loss
was greater than that I knew.
(Poor kid. We are doing the best
Not sure why but as I got out of
bed, I said, “Oatmeal.” I decided
on oatmeal this morning. Another
poor decision. Coffee was good.
Oatmeal threw my whole day
off. It was massage day. Helped.
But I feel like a record playing at
the wrong speed. My mind is at
thirty-three and a third. Slower.
If I’m cutting back on salt, why
did I make a hard salami sandwich
for lunch? I cut up four radishes on
the side. Juicy, not hot. Dijon and
provolone. Read my Michener book.
I needed tea. Hot tea. I was chilled.
Taylor’s English Breakfast did the
trick. Again, milky and sweet for me.
I have to end here without a real end.
Like I said, everything is raw, so raw.
Abuse cheated me of everything.
This came to mind, what God said
through his prophet Joel: “So I will
restore to you the years that the
swarming locust has eaten…”
There is hope in every dark place.
Only God can restore my soul.
Poet, Writer, US Army (Retired)
I dreamed of writing when I was a youngster. The love of books and writing may have helped to dull the pain of severe sexual abuse as I was sexually abused by two men at my father’s place of work from age 8 to 12 or so. I learned about this for the first time when I was 50 years old. So, as a boy, reading was the only place I had to go to. My fantasy world was better and safer than my real world. I loved reading and writing.
Reading books and writing poetry are a joy to me still and are an important part of my life. (See my About Me page on my blog for the complete profile.)