Again, late in the day. I could say,
“Ditto. See yesterday.” But I won’t.
I am worn out from head to toe and
everything in between. Emotional
anxiety will do that.
It is a continuation of dark.
It is a continuation of discontent.
It is a continuation of anger, and a
whole bunch of other junk.
Residual feelings to process after
my first EMDR session last week.
Can’t think; but I’m thinking too
much. Can’t feel; but I’m feeling
too much. Not hungry but I’m
eating too much.
Thank God, the day still started
with coffee. I didn’t want to wake
the kids by using the coffee grinder.
(An old Krups, still going strong!)
So, I made Wally. (They drank it.)
The kids met her at church late
morning. I didn’t go; I’m at odds
with church and anything else
you can think of. Raw, like I said.
Then, the kids drove down to a
Cardinals game. She made killer
cookies. You know, peanut butter
between two Ritz Crackers dipped
in melted white and dark chocolate,
and caramel. (For the kids of course.)
A burst of laughter coming from the
the other end of the house. (She is
watching a Charlie Brown Christmas
video favorite.) I’m here with you.
Wondering what is next. Wondering
where EMDR and I will go from here.
I warmed up leftovers for lunch. I’m
beginning to feel like a leftover.
Sorry, no words of wisdom to bring
this to a close today. There is no hope
in the absence of God; there is hope
only because there is a God.
There is hope whether I feel hopeful
or not. I’m trying to hold on to that
and need another cup of coffee.