This has been another undecided day.
A day where I’ve been between tools,
so I might as well throw my task list
out the window. Undecided on most
things unimportant. Office vs Google,
Edge vs Chrome, Trello vs OneNote,
Outlook vs everything else. What it
boils down to is this: I got most things
half done. Half in Trello, half in OneNote,
Half here, half there. I’m nowhere again.
Maybe I’m trying to take control of what
I think I can control because the things
out of my control, I can’t control. Like my
health. A dumb spiky or thorny nodule
in my upper right lung. PET scan early
Monday morning. And no, that doesn’t
mean I get to take a dog or cat with me.
(Definitely not me!) So, instead of writing
more of the great American novel today,
I fiddled with nonessential computer stuff.
Done more damage than good. Now I am
less sure about what my favorite tools are
to do anything. I may have to reinstall Halo
just to make myself feel good about some-
thing. Not true. I feel great about EMDR.
Yesterday, I worked the installation phase
on my target issue of abuse. In English,
that means that my target childhood abuse
won’t bother me, plague me, haunt me,
hurt me, or anything anymore. It is toast!
There was a “silo” that came out of nowhere.
When I was abused by boys at camp and
left naked in the woods. Oops, forgot about
that one. But my brain under EMDR did not.
All is well. That will be next week. Meanwhile,
my electronic life remains a mess. Surely, if
I shoot some bad guys in Halo, I’ll feel better.
(Get over it. It is a video game. I’m not psycho.
There is just too much to deal with and my
focus is off today. Please excuse.) Or, I could
blow up Windows and go back to Linux and
use LibreOffice instead. It would end all this
electronic warfare; but I couldn’t play Halo.
I need to think about my priorities. Or not!
About coffee. Usually a Wally day. Instead,
we tried Folger’s Classic Roast. Why? Our
usual Breakfast Blend has disappeared from
the face of the Walmart earth. Slightly stronger,
but smooth. It was after our first sip that we
remembered the old Mrs. Olsen commercials;
we were sure we remembered her from 1960’s
TV shows as well. If a Scandinavian woman
moved to the Old West, it was her. Well, may
not be true, but it sounded good over breakfast.
(Thank you, Virginia Christine.) The fate of Halo
is firmly in my hands; my health is in the Lord’s
hands. Pizza and salad tonight. Not to worry.
God willing, I will live to play Halo or some goofy
Linux game another day. I may be struggling, but
God is faithful and will get me through this mess.
Poet, Writer, US Army (Retired)
I dreamed of writing when I was a youngster. The love of books and writing may have helped to dull the pain of severe sexual abuse as I was sexually abused by two men at my father’s place of work from age 8 to 12 or so. I learned about this for the first time when I was 50 years old. So, as a boy, reading was the only place I had to go to. My fantasy world was better and safer than my real world. I loved reading and writing.
Reading books and writing poetry are a joy to me still and are an important part of my life. (See my About Me page on my blog for the complete profile.)