Beyond Beyond


I got half way through
The Last Jedi and hit
the pause button

I’ve gotten older not
necessarily smarter
but today I did it

I bought the first decaf
I’ve ever bought except
by accident drinking

my second cup now
as its going on eight
and your day ending

you heard me right I’m
drinking decaf into the
night first time ever

I forgot to tell you today
because we got hung
up talking laughing

about the perpendicular
but really horizontal or
something like that

(the breathless and
speechless force
was strongly with us)

drat I still have to
put clean sheets on
my bed forgot all day

I may not even watch
the second half tonight
no need

I know you’re about to
lie down put your head
on your pillow

I can smell your hair
I can taste your lips
when we can’t touch

I know the true force is
with us a Jedi doesn’t
come close to what we

have and the force of
our love unites us
forever

beyond beyond

This Time


this time

the never
ending pain is
so bad that life

becomes a
very bad movie
starring me but I

can’t walk out
because I want
to know what

happens and
how it ends
whereas hope

looks forward
and up not back
and down

faith looks
past the pain
when I’m not able

hoping that the
movie will get better
or at least end well

this time

Light and Shadows


It is the time of day when the sun plays
its game of light and shadows.

Wind is only visible high on the palms.
I remain unseen as a few dog walkers
stroll past as I take an early dinner

and linger over hot tea. Reading about
Bonhoeffer is more profound than
anything I can see from my window or

read in the news. What he missed in the
Barcelona of 1928, I miss here and now,
but I have to let that go.

For it was in 1924 on Palm Sunday as he
sat in church in Rome that a question
formed in the back of his mind.

If he only knew that I have asked the
very same question for at least a decade
on my journey that remains unclear.

“What is the Church?”

Bonhoeffer’s voice still speaks. Oh that
he could have been my dinner companion
then as now!

It is the time of day when the sun plays
its game of light and shadows.

 

But Not Hope


It didn’t bother me that after my return
to hiking I was being passed by men,
women, children, beasts, and insects.

I hadn’t hiked this mountain trail since
summer last year. After I returned there
a few days in a row, it was clear my brain

got ahead of my body. I should have
listened to my body. I’m not really
disappointed. I’m exhausted. Over did it.

Things change.

Age has a way of doing that. Some changes
are harder than others but change we will.
How we respond to or handle the changes

are the real tests! Chronic illness has my
attention which is truly annoying and
has contributed to a great amount of loss.

What happens when you pray for healing
and healing doesn’t come? When you believe
God heals and it still doesn’t come?

Things change. Some things don’t change.

This doesn’t change who God is, what he
has done, the things he can do, or has
promised to do.

God doesn’t change.

To try to stay in faith when my body is
screaming, “Don’t believe, God isn’t true” is
my measured response to these things that

I can’t change but must accept and deal with
the best I can each day. I settled for an easier
walk around my neighborhood yesterday.

Things change.

Today much too much pain to walk either.
I would have preferred to write a romantic
haiku and not address the challenges of pain

and faith at all. What kind of writer would I
be if I only shared my heart on the good days?
You deserve the truth in any case.

Reality has no substitutes.

It is when we are at our worst that faith gives
us the best. God’s grace and blessings still
abound. Maybe not in ways I prayed for.

Things change. But not truth. But not hope.